Understanding
domestic and
family violence

Includes constant yelling and put downs, name calling and bringing up private matters which can cause shame or fear, ridiculing someone’s religion or cultural background, swearing and constant humiliation – whether in public or private, criticising someone’s intelligence, their body image or their capacity to be a good parent or romantic partner. Verbal abuse often accompanies other forms of abuse – for instance an abusive partner may prevent their spouse getting a job, then criticise her for being lazy and not working.

Using modern technology, such as computers, mobile phones and ‘smart’ equipment to monitor a partner, or to stalk and harass someone who wants to leave the relationship. Abusers may use GPS systems to locate their partner, or specially designed Apps to install tracking software on phones or ‘smart’ devices such as key finders. Social media and the internet can also be used for this form of abuse, which can involve harassing someone via social media or posting unwanted photographs or information about them online.

Preventing someone seeing their family, friends, social networks or from having a job or participating in social activities. The controlling person may make constant calls to check on their partners whereabouts and make nasty remarks about the other person’s family or friends. Sometimes, the abusive person will engineer arguments with their partner’s family and friends, and then state that an attempt to see them means the partner is ‘disloyal’.

Preventing the other from practicing their religion – such as not allowing them to attend the place of worship they want to go to. It can also mean forcing someone to follow religious beliefs they don’t agree with or using religious beliefs to scare or control someone’s behaviour.

Any form of sexual contact that is forced or unwanted, from groping and unwanted touching through to rape. Nobody has the right to force or coerce someone into sexual contact – even if they are married or in a long-term relationship.

Involves someone being forced or coerced into having unprotected sex, becoming pregnant or having an abortion. The abusive partner may deliberately pass on STIs, destroy birth control or force their partner to have unwanted genital altering surgery.

When someone pushes or shoves the other, throws or smashes things, spits at the other person, slaps, punches, strangles or threatens to injure or hurt the other person. Sometimes abusers will hit walls or doors, break property or even harm beloved companion animals.

Psychological abuse is sometimes also called ‘emotional abuse’. It can be defined as the systematic use of manipulation through nonphysical acts against an intimate partner, child, or dependent adult. These actions can include threatening the physical health of the victim-survivor or the victim’s loved ones, purposely controlling the victim’s freedom, and/or acting to undermine or isolate the victim. Psychological abuse can occur prior to physical, sexual, or other abuses. However, it can also happen at the same time.

A form of technological abuse. In this case, the abuser will typically post (or threaten to post) private images of their partner online or email them to family members and friends. This type of abuse can involve using image altering software to create an explicit photograph, even if it is not real.

Types of abuse during which someone will intimidate their partner, or ex-partner, by following them, turning up unexpectedly at inappropriate places (such as a workplace), or go to someone’s home even after being asked not to do so. The abuser may also make harassing telephone calls or send harassing emails or text messages.

A commonly used term to describe the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity, or they accept the version of reality an abusive partner presents as ‘real’.

Financial abuse is complex and occurs in the vast majority of abusive relationships. Some instances are not simply about a man taking charge of the finances. It can also be also things like stopping someone accessing Centrelink benefits or childcare benefits or refusing access to a bank account or a credit card.

This type of abuse can control a victim’s ability to leave a violent relationship.

This type of abuse happens to people who are related to one another through blood, marriage or de facto partnerships, adoption and fostering relationships, sibling and extended family relationships. It includes the range of kinship ties in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, extended family relationships, and constructs of family within lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or queer (LGBTIQ) communities.

Deliberately causing someone to feel hurt, bad or inadequate – for example using constant put downs, name calling or unpleasant ‘jokes’. This type of abuse can also include emotional blackmail such as ‘the silent treatment’ if the partner disagrees about something or threatening to commit suicide if the partner leaves the abuser.

Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. Coercive control is a range of behaviours that enable a perpetrator to maintain or regain control of a partner, ex-partner or family member/s. It may involve acts of assault, humiliation, intimidation or threat to instil fear. It can be difficult to describe as one incident because it is usually a spectrum of behaviours to control and maintain fear.